“You are not your own…” (Samhain 11)

We are well into the last month of Samhain. Although the morning darkness will continue for another month or more, the daylight is almost perceptibly longer and Imbolc (the spring quarter) will be upon us very soon. Whether Samhain has brought rest and renewal and refreshment; or a growing sense of peace with the soft, silken darkness; or fallow discomfort; or the wings of death to brush against our dreams, our identities, our souls, even our bodies, we are (right here, right now) being offered another opportunity to waken and unfold into new experience, into this breath, this dawn, this smile, this step, this question.

As we emerge from Samhain and cross over into Imbolc (as at the threshold of every season), we are invited to name who we are in this moment and to reflect on what has changed. And whenever I do this, I remember the words of the brilliant, cranky, all-too-human (apostle) Paul who wrote, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the ruach [the divine spirit] which you have from G-d? You are not your own…”

Of course, we know this. We know we were not conceived and birthed into this life alone. We do not survive alone. We do not love or teach or learn or dance or build or do anything at all alone. And we do not belong to ourselves alone, but to the whole universe of which we are a precious and irreplaceable part.

In these last days of the season, I offer this exercise which I do every year, and I invite you to consider how tightly woven is the web in which you live and move. Each time I do the exercise I learn something different, something surprising, something fresh. You will need your journal and some colored pens or pencils. Enjoy.

Close your eyes if you are comfortable doing that. Or you may prefer to use the flame of the candle as a focal point to help your mind be still. Become aware of your breathing and allow it to be slow and deep, until you feel centered and calm.
Quietly bring Paul’s words to mind, “I am not my own.” Be aware of your feelings as you hear those words. Does this sound comforting? Frightening? Angering? Curious? Challenging? Try to notice your emotions without any judgment, simply observing and naming them. When you are ready, open your eyes gently and note those feelings in your journal.
When you are done, close your eyes again or return your focus to the candle flame and become aware of your breathing.

Say again, “I am not my own.” Consider the generation which created your life: your parents and those who were god-parents, step-parents, surrogate parents, and mentors to you during your growth from infancy to adulthood. Bless them with a prayer. When you are ready, open your eyes gently. Draw a symbol representing yourself in the middle of the 2-page spread and, around that circle, write the names of those who nurtured you.
When you are done, close your eyes again or return your focus to the candle flame and become aware of your breathing.

Say again, “I am not my own.” Consider the next generation back, the one that created the lives of your parents and mentors…and consider the generation next forward from you – your children or god-children, or step-children, or the children of your soul. Bless them with a prayer. When you are ready, open your eyes gently. Create a larger circle around the one you have already written. Use different colors to represent different generations or different relationships. Write the names of these generations or use small symbols to represent them.
When you are done, close your eyes again or return your focus to the candle flame and become aware of your breathing.

Say it one more time, “I am not my own.” Allow your mind to go further back and cast it further forward. Include friends, guides, great-grandparents and grand-children (real or hoped-for). Bless these people, too, with a prayer. Again, when you are ready, open your eyes gently. Create a larger circle around the two you have already written; branch out if you need to fit in more names. It may get very messy. Write names or symbols for these generations.

When you are done, simply notice the amazing web of relationships that enfold you and support you. Perhaps other names come to you. Write those where they make sense or where they fit. Imagine this web or diagram expanding in all directions. Notice the number of people whose lives you touch and influence in ways you may never know.

When you are ready close your eyes again or return your focus to the flame. Breathe deeply for a minute or two and then open your eyes gently and let yourself become centered in this time and place. Take some time to write or draw some reflections on the meditation, something that you can return to this week and consider again.

During the week ahead, you may want to remind yourself of how you walk through the world and all the blessings you carry in that journey every minute of every day.

I journey out from this place, carrying holiness in my heart.
I journey out carrying questions in my spirit.
I journey out carrying a new word of insight in my soul.
I journey out seeking to share the warmth of compassion with those I meet.
I journey out seeking to welcome the light of wisdom in friend and stranger.
I journey out and I journey inward, seeking to find the presence of holiness within.
Shalom. Shalom. Let me journey in peace.

–Andrea

NOTE: The first photo is called Focus:Love. It is available through my Etsy Shop. The third photo is a detail from Matrix which can be seen in its entirety in the Archives under My Story.